issue i: anonymous' poem

1.) THE MORNING AFTER

Swollen,
red,
tender,
sore,
and torn to pieces.

I sit down to pee.
Just a drop trickles out.

I press against my very full bladder.
Try to push it out. Try to push it out.
No luck.

What does this mean?

Maybe I should see a doctor.

But what would I say?
How would I explain?
They'd think I was a slut.

Maybe I am. A slut.
Or just plain stupid.

Confused --- that's what I am.
What the hell happened last night?

Whatever it was, I want to forget.
But my vagina remembers.



2.) RAPE

Manipulation.
Coercion. Defeat.
Big bony fist.
Boyfriend's fist.
Punching. Tearing. Destroying.
Plunging into MY vagina.
My personal space.
Invaded. Intruded.
Put to shame.

Can't move. Can't breath.
Must end. now. NOW!
Stop.
now. please.
can't speak. can't think.

Finally. It's over.
But the pain remains.
Confusion. Shame. Hatred. Sorrow.



3.) AN OPEN LETTER TO MY RAPIST

Dear Asshole,

I'm just writing to say...
Fuck. You.

Fuck you
for plunging into my personal space.

Fuck you
for invading my dreams and making them nightmares.

Fuck you
for thinking we're still friends.

Fuck you
for your apparent amnesia.

Fuck you. FUCK you. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!



4.) PAYBACK

You sentenced me
to self-doubt and shame,
to confusion and pain.

To tears that wouldn't stop
and to self-harm that brought
scars to my wrists
and marks to my thighs.

You sentenced me,
so now I sentence you.

I sentence you
to see what you've done.
To know your mistakes,
to fall to your knees.
To beg my forgiveness
and scream pretty please!



5.) FUCK THE PATRIARCHY

I'm fucking tired
of this world
that trained me to be
your punching bag.

Angry with these lessons
that taught me to
see myself
through your eyes.

I'm leaving this prison.
I refuse to lose myself here.

I'm going out into the world.
Ready to fly free.

What you did was not my fault.
This punishment
that never should have been
must die today.

Because I am so much more
than you could ever see.
So much more
than what happened that day.



6.) AND YOU WERE GONE

I had a dream last night.
You reached out to touch me.
I told you to stop.
You yanked down my skirt.
I froze with fear.
Your fist came at me.
But I shot you a stare
that crumbled you into
a thousand little pieces.
And you were gone.
Dead.
Forever.
And I felt safe
knowning you would finally
leave me be.



-----------------------------------------

More than 1 in 4 women are raped in their lifetimes, and 80% of these rapes are committed by acquaintances, friends, relatives, or significant others. Since women are socialized not to recognize the criminality of these attacks, it may take a survivor years to realize she was raped. Remember --- if you feel raped, you were raped. Trust your gut and always know that it was not your fault. It's never too late to get help. Rape survivors CAN be happy people. For more information or support, contact the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center at 293-7273.

Rape myths:
It's only rape if the victim physically resists.

Girls will have the mental clarity to resist and fight back.

Girls will know they're being raped while it's happening.

Rape is only committed by strangers.

It's only rape if the penis is used for penetration.